Dating Files: A trans person meeting a lot of ‘flaky, boring fuckboys’

‘Currently taking a pause for my sanity.’

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Age: 30

Gender: Non-binary

Sexuality: Bisexual

Ethnicity: Pākehā

Religion: Atheist

Occupation: Artist

My living location is: Wellington

The apps I’m on: Currently taking a pause for my sanity but I’ve been on tinder, bumble, hinge, feeld and her.

I’m looking for: Someone kind, funny and ambitious who loves to yap and is at least a little bit obsessed with me. A person with their own life, friends and goals who’s not intimidated by someone (me) with a full and busy life. Someone who loves openly with a lot of compassion but isn’t above a little gossip from time to time. Someone who’s not apolitical and who cares about making the world a better place in some small way.

Really hot would be a nice bonus too.

Mostly I’m finding: Flaky, boring fuckboys and people who don’t respect my identity as a trans person.

My last serious relationship was: four years, ended because I came out as trans.

The worst date I ever had: Most memorably bad was the one who got a bad nosebleed at the table during dinner and had to spend 10 minutes in the bathroom (and I had to wipe his blood off the table), though honestly the conversation was so boring it was almost a relief.

The best date I ever had: They bought me flowers and we had a lovely dinner together with heaps of laughter, then got snacks and watched movies at their place.

The most regrettable thing I ever did on a date: A lot of very bad sex.

The best thing a date ever did for me: I think it was the bringing me flowers. It felt very sweet and romantic.

The biggest red flag I’ve seen on a date: Dude was over an hour late and didn’t even text me to update me. I was only still there because I’d started sketching the buildings while I waited.

On a date I usually wear: Jeans and a cute top.

I have sex when: I feel comfortable with someone.

I wish dating was: less exhausting and involved less bullshit. I wish there was a way to ask what people are looking for dating wise without seeming too full on.

This is what I think about who pays on dates: I generally like an “each person pays for themselves” approach but if one person is more finanically secure than the other it’s nice if they pay.

Three words that describe my dream date: Joyous, goofy, heartfelt.

My dating advice is: Remember that everyone’s a person and if it starts becoming hard to remember that, take a break to focus on yourself (how bleak is it that you have to take breaks from dating to remember other people’s humanity).

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